kvmb Chapter 406 How Much I Love You
Chapter 406 How Much I Love You
After leaving the capital, Mingruo didn't actually know whether it would have been better for her to die or live.
He once hoped he could live, but later he wondered if living was also a burden.
His life was hopeless in the first half.
The second half of my life seems to have been without a future from the very beginning.
He is free.
From then on, no one in the world would care whether the former princess had a son whose fate was unknown, whether he was alive or dead. As long as he did not return to the capital and did not deliberately flaunt himself in front of others, no one would ever think of him again. He was free to leave the capital and go anywhere else.
The wounds that were once like a bone-deep sore have mostly healed. He has woken up countless times in the middle of the night, expecting to be in so much pain that he would break out in a cold sweat and tremble all over, but that hasn't happened. The physical pain has gradually weakened and disappeared without him noticing.
He felt empty inside.
The world is so vast, yet he has nowhere to go.
Later, he traveled to Jiangnan and ran into an old friend. He stayed there temporarily, but he didn't really know what he should do.
He had heard about the changes in the capital, but he knew that with His Highness's wisdom and temperament, he would not admit defeat so easily. Therefore, he never thought that he would see them again, or see Lu Yangyang.
That parting in the capital felt to him as a final farewell to his entire world.
Although he was born in the capital, he never actually lived there much. Instead, he was constantly on the move, unable to love or hate anything, and everything felt ethereal and unreal to him. Yet, the people he met during his time in the capital were etched into his heart.
That period, which was clearly a rehearsal for death, turned out to be the most vibrant time of his life.
He wandered from place to place in opera troupes since childhood, and his life was like a drama, as if he was born to be on the stage.
As the play ended, his life seemed to have come to an end there as well.
He survived, but left the play, standing behind the empty curtain, utterly lost.
Seeing that Mingruo fell silent after saying that, Lu Yangyang thought for a moment and asked, "Are you here to act as an intermediary for Lin Wuji? Tiancheng Trading Company has little to do with me, so I probably can't help you with this. I went to the Salt Gang simply to save someone. I thought the Salt Gang was going to kill Uncle Luo, so I used the name of Tiancheng Trading Company in a moment of desperation. You know my relationship with Sheng Junyi; I can't influence his decision."
Hearing her voice, Mingruo snapped out of her daze, shook her head with a slightly complicated expression, and
"I just want to say sorry to you. Back then, you went to so much trouble to help me, but I still lied to you in the end, causing... causing you to lose someone very important."
Lu Yangyang paused for a moment, "You did facilitate some things, but the whole thing wasn't something you could decide. If you say I was a little angry at the time, it was because I was angry that you didn't cherish yourself. I really like Her Highness the Princess, and I really like how much she loves Xiaoli. That was the first time in my life I've met a mother who loves her child so much. Mingruo, she loves you as much as she loves Xiaoli, and there has never been any difference between them."
"But later I also realized that everyone has their own true wishes, whether they are alive or dead. If you really hated this world back then, I really shouldn't have asked you to forgive your past pain. At that time, I put myself in the shoes of the Princess, Xiao Li, and many other people, but I never put myself in your shoes. So you don't need to apologize to me. I should be the one apologizing to you."
Living is a person's bottom line.
But that's not everyone's bottom line.
Since we respect living, we should also respect dying.
The resolve to die is no easier than, or even easier than, that is.
Living is important, and dying for something of paramount importance is admirable, but whether something is paramount or insignificant, the greatest relief in life is to know oneself. Why must we attach a value to life and death?
No one should impose their own ideas on others and make others take responsibility for their own feelings.
Mingruo thought that Lu Yangyang would dislike him, or even hate him.
He never expected Lu Yangyang to say such a thing.
His lifeless heart seemed to come alive in that instant, trembling violently within his chest.
He lowered his head in embarrassment, afraid of revealing the delusions in his heart.
Seeing that he was still keeping his head down and not speaking, Lu Yangyang looked at the teacups on the table, poured a cup of tea for both of them, and handed it to him: "The past is the past, so don't think about it anymore. Here, I'll drink this tea instead of wine, wishing you all the best in the future."
If Her Highness the Eldest Princess were still alive, she would probably think the same way. Regardless of the grudges between their previous generations, she would hope that Mingruo could have her own life.
Mingruo hurriedly took the teacup, held it to her lips like wine, and drank it all in one gulp, barely managing to cover up her disheveled state.
"Okay." Her voice still trembled slightly.
Lu Yangyang smiled. "Let's not talk about that. Are you very close to Lin Wuji? You said those things weren't his intention, but did he know? Did he know what the Salt Gang was up to behind the scenes?"
Lu Yangyang still gritted her teeth in hatred when she thought about the child molestation that night. What was most infuriating was that after shutting down Nanfeng Pavilion, a bunch of problematic brothels were exposed, and even a group of beggar gangs involved in trafficking and theft were uncovered, but Ren Erye, the deputy leader of the Salt Gang, was not implicated.
Mingruo frowned slightly, a hint of helplessness in her voice as she brought up the matter: "The former leader of the Salt Gang was a brave, decisive, and chivalrous man. Under his leadership, the Salt Gang truly took shape and achieved its later unshakeable position. He had long seen through the vice leader's impure intentions, but the vice leader was a brother who had fought alongside him all the way to establish the gang, so he was caught in a dilemma and couldn't bring himself to punish him until his death. This led to the situation after Wuji became the new leader, where the two sides had huge differences, were difficult to balance, and were constantly competing with each other in secret. Wuji wasn't unaware of the vice leader's problems, but when he took control of the Salt Gang, most of the elders, while loyal to the old leader, might not have been convinced of his new leadership after his death. With the vice leader interfering, although Wuji forcefully took over the Salt Gang, he could only temporarily focus on the major issues and let go of the minor ones; otherwise, many of his plans within the Salt Gang would not have been able to proceed smoothly."
Lu Yangyang's eyes widened, and she slammed her hand on the table, startling Ming Ruo.
Lu Yangyang said incredulously, "He's talking about his inaction and calling it 'focusing on the big picture and letting go of the small details'?"