The Deity Entertainment Network

Chapter 236 – A Damsel In Distress? A John Under Duress

"I DON'T WANNA CLEAN POOP!"

"Then learn to save some of your money so you don't have to. Besides, doing this gives you both a free bath and a place to sleep tonight on top of some pay. So suck it up, buttercup, and get to work!" 

After peeling Aqua off his leg, he had dragged her out to the stables so she could earn her supper. The stablemaster, an elderly man who had been working at the guild for nearly sixty years, was laughing at their interaction. He said he would have no problem with getting his new reluctant stablehand to start shovelling, so John thanked him and left Aqua to her fate.

"Wait, you're not working with me? Where are you going?" She asked, now holding a pitchfork that the old man had shoved into her hands.

"To explore the town. I saved plenty of money from this week, so I can afford to take a day off." He replied, rubbing her bad decisions in her face again. He didn't like being the asshole, but unlike with Yu, something told him she would never change if her bad behaviour didn't face immediate repercussions. 

Eris did say she had the memory of a goldfish. Hyperbole or not, she will need both positive and negative reinforcements to improve her attitude. I did give her until the end of the giant toad spawning season to improve, but if she doesn't, I will just cut ties with her completely.

 "I want to go, too."

"Then next time, make sure you have enough money set aside so you can. Now, excuse me, I have a date to plan."

"A date? With who? John!-" She started to say, but he had already walked out of the stable door. 

John wandered around the markets and perused the more permanent shops in the town. He grabbed a few little things for the 'date' he had planned tonight, which basically involved a picnic basket, a blanket, some bread and cheeses and a bottle of wine. He knew there was a lake just outside the city, so instead of taking Luna out to some fancy dinner, he would just bring her to the lake shore and have some good conversation over some drinks and a light meal.

I really need to upgrade my sleeping arrangements soon. If I tried to sleep on that pile of straw a few months ago, I wouldn't be able to walk in the mornings. Even with leather clothing to stop the straw from gouging my skin, it's still quite uncomfortable.

He stopped by city hall, curious about purchasing land rights outside the city. Many nobles and wealthier townsfolk apparently had walled mansions outside the city walls, along with homes inside the city. He could purchase a barren lot outside for as little as 500 000 Eris, which was five hundred silver, though the lots inside the walls were much more expensive. If the lots already had a home on them, it was getting well into the tens of millions of Eris or more. 

After his expenses this week, he was sitting on just over fifty thousand Eris. It wasn't enough to buy any land, but it was a good start for his nest egg. He wasn't necessarily considering putting down roots here, but was thinking about a few different options this world had presented to him.

The path before him seemed fairly obvious: get stronger and defeat this devil king. He couldn't do that here, in the back end of this kingdom. What he could do was similar to what he was doing with the students in MHA. Train people how to fight. The devil king had an army, and unless he was Superman, he couldn't fight an army by himself. So, if he started to train all these newer adventurers, he could build his own private mercenary company to go and fight the devil king with him.

The other option was joining the army. He didn't know enough about the rest of the kingdom, but he assumed it had a standing army somewhere that was engaged in battles with the devil king's main forces. If he dropped himself into the middle of their battles, he might be able to swing a victory to their side. Either by supporting the other soldiers in their ranks or by breaking out Suzy Q and stomping enemy infantry.

Or, he could do a little of both. Train an army of adventurers, then join the kingdom's forces as an irregular unit like the LADDs were. He would have to find a home for his Pelican passengers first, which was a sticking point for that plan. So far, this place hasn't seemed like a great spot either. Infinite Frontiers or HOTD were the most likely spots he would take them. IF, because of the advanced technology, and HOTD, because with him around, being bitten by a zombie wasn't a death sentence. Not to mention that since the government had already collapsed, no one would really question where these people came from. 

He would run his thoughts by Luna later; she gave him the impression of someone with a sharp mind. She could probably fill in all the information he was missing about the kingdom as well, since it seemed beyond Aqua's knowledge. She might even be able to point him to a few adventurers who could demonstrate for him some of these higher-level skills.   

He didn't want to devote too much effort to this now, but from what he could tell, this would be a good world to train and grow stronger in. Nothing seemed terribly urgent, even this Devil King seemed like it was something distant to the people here, like he was somebody else's problem. So, if he came to an impasse again, he would come back here and gain more strength. He just wanted to kill a few monsters to see what these experience gains would be like, and these toads seemed like his best bet right now.

"A few more days, then I'll leave. I got places to be, people to heal, and a game show to win!" He said to himself, drawing several curious stares from other people walking by him. He didn't notice, as he was too busy eyeing a curious-looking shop. "Wiz's Magical Item Shoppe? I wonder what I can find in here?"

As he stepped into the shop, John was immediately alerted by a loud crash from somewhere in the back of the store and a woman's scream. Instantly alert, he activated his armour, drew his sword, and rushed through the store, charging into the... kitchen?

On the floor in front of him was a beautiful, doe-eyed woman, a broken teapot, and a tray of cookies that were scattered around her. She had long, flowing brown hair that covered half her face, letting him see only one of her light brown eyes. She was wearing long, very modest purple and gold coloured robes, which did their best to hide a very impressive pair of breasts. She had to be at least a J-Cup if not larger. 

I wonder if she is single- Damn it, first it was whatever DEN was doing to me, and now my Ki usage has amplified it. Stop being so bloody horny!

"Are you okay, Miss?" He asked, sheathing his sword and offering her a hand up.

"I... ah... yes, I'm okay. I'm just a bit clumsy." She said, hesitantly taking his hand. Her pouty lips were quivering slightly as she spoke, which made sense. A fully armoured man just charged into her kitchen after she tripped; she had every right to be nervous.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion. I'm new to town and was coming in to check out your shop when I heard you scream. I thought something bad may have been happening, so I rushed to check." He said, realizing she was actually quite tall, probably just shy of six feet. 

"T-thank you... No one has done that for me before. Umm... would you like some tea? I was about to sit down and have a small snack before this happened. Just give me a minute to clean this up, and I'll be right out."

"Here, let me help you." He said, deactivating his armour since there wasn't a threat.

"Are you sure? I would hate to be a bother."

"It's the least I can do for startling you like that. I'll clean this up, and you can make some more tea. Then you can sit down sooner." He said, grabbing the now-empty tray and piling the broken pottery on it. "By the way, my name is John."

"I'm Wiz. Welcome to my little shop, John. I hope you can find something you like." She said sweetly, then moved to make more tea.

Little John was as hard as a rock. He tried not to think about sheathing his other sword into those pouty lips of hers, but she seemed so soft, sweet, and demure that he was having difficulty not thinking dirty thoughts about her.

Oh, why am I like this right now... god... this is insane! 

That is when he noticed another jar had been tipped over, spilling its contents on the floor. "Hey, Wiz? You must have tipped over another jar by accident. Do you have a broom somewhere I can sweep this up with?"

"Oh? Another- Oh no!"

"What?"

"DON'T BREATHE! Just step out of the room quickly! That is an aphrodisiac I'm creating to cure impotence in men. Right now it's distilled enough that just a bit of that dust will... cure the problem for some time."

"That explains things." He muttered, moving out of the room as quickly as he could without disturbing the dust anymore. He walked around the shop a bit, browsing all the jars she had lined up on the walls, but they were not labelled. She also had a variety of trinkets that emanated magical power, but he couldn't discern what they did.  

Not that he was really focused on that. He must have gotten a good whiff of the stuff, since he was growing hornier by the minute. If this kept up, going out on a date tonight would be a terrible idea. "Cure! Detoxify!" He chanted, trying out a couple of spells to see if he could flush it out of his system. It didn't appear that the magic considered it a negative side effect, so he was stuck with little John trying to free itself from his pants. 

"I'm so sorry about that, John. I never have anyone else back there, so I don't think about some of the dangerous things that are just lying around." Wiz said, coming into the shop with a tray of tea and cookies.

"It's fine, darlin. Just a little unexpected. I'm pretty sure I managed to get a bit of the stuff in me, but I'll survive. How long does this last for?"

"Well, the pills would only be for four hours, but concentrated? Depending on how much actually got in you, between eight and twenty-four hours. If it lasts for longer than a day, you should seek a priest to cast purification on you. Either that... or you know, have a lot of sex." She replied, saying the last part quietly like she was embarrassed about it. 

"Great. Well, it was an accident, so no harm done. So I take it you make most of the things here then?" He asked, taking a seat at the small table she had by the window. She joined him and handed him a cup of tea.

"Yes. Well, the potions and medicines are. All the other items are things I find with magical power in them."

"I see. I take it business is going well?"

"Not as well as I would have liked, but I only opened the shop up recently, so I hope it improves. I do have some repeat customers, so that is a good sign, right?"

"It should be. As long as you are able to supply a demand the city needs, I'm sure things will come around. Might help if you labelled some more of your bottles, though, and give them a description of what they do, maybe do a little advertising as well. Because right now, all I see is a pretty bottle shop being run by a beautiful young woman."  He said, casting a glance at the store shelves while he took a sip of the tea. He paused and looked into his cup. "What is this tea?"

"Oh, it's just a little something I make myself. It's a mixture of some dried apple, beet root, roasted almonds and cinnamon*. Do you like it?"

"I love it. It's remarkably good! I'm normally a coffee guy, but this tastes amazing. If the potion business doesn't work out, you should consider selling this."

"I have other teas I make too. If you come by again, I would be happy to let you try them."

"I think I would like that very much, Wiz."

"So, do you have any other ideas for my shop?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think you needed to change things. It's your business, run it how you want to."

"You misunderstand me, John. I really have no idea what I am doing here; it's just that I always wanted to run my own little magical shop. But my trinkets are not really selling, just my potions. I keep investing in buying new items, but no one seems to want them."

"Well, I won't pretend to know much about magical items, but if there is no demand for what you are selling, no one will buy them. You should just focus on what is working in this market, which appears to be your potions. Keep your magical items more as a side project; that way, if they do take off, you can shift some of your focus there."

"You don't know much about magical items? You are literally glowing with power from them."

"Well, I have a bunch of them, but I don't know anything about what their values would be. Like my sword here. I know it's probably one of the most powerful weapons on the planet, but I don't know what I could sell it for. Nor do I really care, as I would never part with the blade."

"May I see it?" She asked. 

He wasn't against it, but ran Scouter just to make sure she wasn't planning to steal it. He was rebuffed immediately. It was similar to when he tried to read Jaina's mind. Just for a lark, he tried his new skill Card. A window popped up in front of him.

[Name - Wiz]

[Race - Lich (Former Human)]

[Class - Arch Wizard]

[Age - 183 (Forever 20)]

[Birthday - June 7th]

[Aliases - Ice Witch, Queen of the Undead, 8th Devil King General, Pitiful Shopkeeper]

[Likes - Tea, Magic, Confidence, Leaders, Strong Men, Tall Men]

[Dislike - People who hurt the innocent, Vampires, people who ask her her real age]

[Virgin - Yes]

[Cup Size - J]

[Sexual Preferences - True Love, Heavy Sub, Oral fixation]

[Favourite Positions - No Experience. Imagines Missionary, Boob Job, Blow Job]

[Wiz is a soft-spoken, honest woman who wouldn't hurt a fly]

[She is book smart, but bad with social cues and can be a bit of an airhead]

[In her past life, she was a demon on the battlefield, but since she became a Lich, she became a pacifist]

[Current Thoughts - Oh no, does he think I'm going to try and take his weapon from him. I'm not a thief! Just a forgotten about general who just wants to run a quiet little shop. Oh, why is it always so hard to talk with handsome men?]

John just blinked at her for a moment, wondering what the hell he just read. 

Little John poked his head out of his pants, thinking it just scored the jackpot.

* - Stole the recipe for my favourite tea called Forever Nuts. I think you can still order it online from DavidsTea, but I stopped buying it when the retail stores closed down.